Seriously, though: why?

Yes, yes. You already know that you should meditate, and that meditation will make you happier, healthier, and less of a dick. But you're tired and irritated and every time you try to meditate, your mind races and you can't stop thinking about that asshole at work. You've tried meditating, but are pretty sure that you're bad at it. 

If this describes you, then EFF THIS! Meditation might be just what you need. This is not a joke–this is real meditation, for real life.